I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Never joke about your clitoris.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
