I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
