We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
