The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
