In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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