Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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