She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize