You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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