Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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