It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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