i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
