That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
