Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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