Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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