Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
