You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize