There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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