I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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