I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize