Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So much rum. So many feels.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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