So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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