Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
