Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The feeling are messing with the penis
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Oh god it's open bar.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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