Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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