Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
