She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you would pick up someone in the library
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Randomize
