as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
