I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize