I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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