Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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