You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
