I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
