how do flat chested girls get laid?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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