Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
