i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
