This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize