I smell stomach acid.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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