did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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