Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
