So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
