Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
