She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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