It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We are all done wearing pants today
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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