I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
