it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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