oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
