any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
