I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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