I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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