we have pet lesbian snakes
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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