And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I need a beard to bite.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
