I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
