The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
