Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Bring me that man meat
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize