smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
