Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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