Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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