Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
