So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
