if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
