Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
