The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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