Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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