mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize