its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
