We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
