your parents love me but you hate me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize