Michael Bay diarrhea
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
