just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
