Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
