I got chris browned last night
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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