I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
do herpes really smell.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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