R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
