At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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