the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
