I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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