Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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