Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So many bounce houses so little time
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
