I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
