she was so not down for the gang bang
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
