I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
