All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I didn't notice because vodka
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
