Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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