My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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