just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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