During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dignity is for republicans.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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