Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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