I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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