TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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