Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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