I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
