I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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